Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Comfort Zone

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. One of them is receiving gifts. While I actually enjoy quality time, giving gifts is one of the ways I express my love. And over the years, there's something comforting for me when I give a gift and the other person receives it. It's like being invited to a meal by your enemy, or the opposing army waving a white flag: it's a good sign. And in my relationships with people, that's usually my comfort zone.

Of course over the years that I've been giving gifts, there have been successes (the person smiles) and failures (returning the gift to me or worse, leaving it in a public place for someone else to pick up). Each person reacts uniquely, although some do follow patterns. Some will receive it graciously, others hesitantly at first. Others will turn down the offer, and there are also several ways to turn down gifts. Strangely enough, the way they accept or turn down my gifts (which isn't bad, mind you) gives me insight into their character. It doesn't give me a vision of the totality of a person, but it does give me insight into who they are, and what kind of behavior I can expect from them. A friend, for example, accepts the small gifts, but when I give her big gifts, she politely declines (unless there's an "occassion"). I keep on trying until she gives me a final no, which is said in a strict and blatant manner compared to the usually sweet demeanor she exudes. What does that tell me? That acceptance has a limit, and I've reached it. Most of the time though, she really is a sweet and supportive person. But she obviously values money and does feel ashamed to be receiving expensive gifts for no reason at all; she wants to be independent and not indebted. That's but one example though. Every person has a unique way of accepting or rejecting gifts, and strangely enough, it's one of the ways I see into a person's character.

5 comments:

Kara said...

i totally agree! my language of love is also giving gifts. some of my friends are weirded out that i randomly buy little stuff and give it to them without an occasion. but really its just my way of expressing my gratitude and appreciation of our friendship :) i remember when you used to give me gifts for my birthday. it was really awkward for me, but it made me happy. the truth is, although i like giving gifts, i dont recieve as much. and its just weird, especially since i wasnt that close to you. my loved ones barely gave me anything (except for my mom <3)... anyway i dont recommend you test other peoples limits though charles :) minsan panget kalalabasaaaan! hehe always take care :):):)

Kara said...

no wait i think you gave me something for christmassssssss *still wears her slytherin socks to sleep*

Charles said...

Libre kita! Hehehe.

daimira said...

I express my love by feeding people! It's a lot less...how do you put it...mas mahirap tanggihan? Because it's just food, not something really, terribly pricey. Kahit French fries lang.

estelle said...

i'm a gift-giver too, but i don't usually give expensive things. i prefer giving food, or something from a convenience store. haha. but i make sure the gesture is sweet. once, for this guy i liked (who really loved using pencils, even for taking down class notes), i bought him the kind of pencil he liked (black jumbo pencil) shaved the color off, engraved his name on it and wrote his favorite quote around the pencil. it was a very cheap gift, but i'd like to think that the effort and thought that went into it made it priceless. :)

of course, feeling lang talaga ako. but y'know. hehe.

haaaapppy birthday charles! (it's sept. 20 right now, 11:22 pm) :)