Monday, August 27, 2012

I Screwed Up

This is a post reprimanding myself.

Did this post need to be public? No, as it was between myself and another party. But to some extent, I screwed up and it's not something I'm intending to hide.

Over the weekend, I lost a friend. Here's a summary of events:
  • Earlier in the week, the other party got into conflict with a mutual acquaintance on Twitter.
  • The other party posted a blog entry on the subject a few days later.
  • I commented on the blog post.
  • A conversation took place on Facebook and when it was evident that the other party could not see my point, I informed them that I would be posting a rebuttal on my blog.
What happens next is where things eventually break down.
  • The other party asks that I don't post my rebuttal.
  • I decline.
  • The other party states that they will delete their post.
  • I agree with them and state that if they will delete their post, I will not post my rebuttal.
  • The other party accuses me of bullying.
  • I tell the other party that they should retain their post and that I would post my rebuttal.
  • The other party deletes it anyway.
Now I am both against deleting of blog entries and bullying, but intentions are usually irrelevant when it comes to the consequences of your actions.

I should have backed off when they offered to delete their blog entry. Maybe I should have just posted my rebuttal instead of informing them ahead of time. I shouldn't have encouraged the deletion, even when I later told them repeatedly to retain the post.

The other party considered this tactic bullying. It didn't seem so at the time to me but maybe it was bullying. I did use the statement "If it [the blog entry] stays up, I'll post my rebuttal," which comes off as threatening.

The fact that I found the blog entry to be reprehensible (because the narrative was a one-sided account of what happened and the other party was basically congratulating themselves while demonizing others involved) was besides the point. The situation could have been resolved better.


Wendy Wagner; said...

I think it's awesome that someone as savvy as you will confess to your mistakes. And threatening or not, you were standing up for what you believe in and in a friend. That's a pretty great thing, even if it didn't turn out quite the way you would have liked.

Unknown said...

Sounds like you are human and you made a mistake. You aren't perfect. It is especially easy to screw up in these days of instantaneous everything. Time to reflect will often have us avoiding these sort of pitfalls but who has the time? But you are willing to own up and apologize and I'm all about forgiving each other.

Its in the bag.

Laurel said...

I completely disagree that indicating, "If you post your point of view, I will post mine," qualifies as bullying.

Bullying is more along the lines of, "If you post this, I will issue a call on my own blog, Twitter feed, and FB account to the effect of, "This guy sucks and you should go tell him, right now, how much he sucks."

If there is nothing more than a divergent opinion issued in both places, it in NOT bullying. And if you lost a friend over a difference of opinion, said friend apparently has a pretty fragile self image.