Kill Brian Keene

The manananggal is usually labeled as the "Filipino vampire" in the same way that Japan's kappa is labeled as the Japanese vampire. It has little resemblance, however, to the Western vampire, save for its habit of feeding on blood of sorts.

A manananggal subsists on fetuses. It usually preys on pregnant women while they are sleeping, extending its retractable tongue and inserting it into the woman's sex. From there, it slithers and probes until it finds it mark, and the manananggal starts sipping. I can imagine the slurping sound it makes, akin to the way Filipinos eat balut.

But what if the manananggal preys on a caucasian male, say the writer Brian Keene? Its tongue will enter the author's anus; the penetration is neither hard nor sharp. In fact, it enters so smoothly (it is a soft tongue after all) that Keene will barely notice it in his sleep. It will eventually come into contact with the linings of his intestines and taste the remains of Keene's dinner. This isn't, however, the food that the manananggal is looking for. It digs deeper until it muscles could no longer be extended. Its tongue has been stretched to its limits, and yet it has found no fetus.

It might as well make the most of its evening. Keene's entrails will suffice as appetizer before it can find another prey. The tongue licks one of Keene's organs, and then it tastes another. The colon is too salty, an anathema to its kind. It settles for the cecum, the bacteria there hosting a plethora of flavors. The tongue starts to suck, drawing bits of the organ out of the anus. The manananggal makes the art of mummification seem like child's play.

When it is done, the manananggal flies away, and Keene is still unaware of the deed. When he wakes up the next day, there is pain in his stomach, and he quickly dismisses it as hunger. He enters his kitchen and starts gobbling on coffee and cereal. It'll never replace what's been lost however, and the pain he feels now is nothing compared to all the experiments the doctors will run him through in the succeeding days.

From Brian Keene:

"Just a thought, folks. If you could, please consider including this link at the bottom of your blog entry, and ask folks to consider making a donation to the SJA: http://www.shirleyjacksonawards.org/sja_support.php"